A long time friend and Twenty First Century Leadership graduate called the other day.
I think he is exceptionally talented in a wealth of ways. Currently, he is working on something big; something which, if he doesn’t get in his own way, will result in the kind of acclaim of which I believe he is worthy.
In our conversation he asked me about confidence – whether I considered myself naturally confident or whether I “grew” into what he judges as my current state of confidence?
I told him, and I tell all participants in Extraordinary Learning courses and my coaching clients, confidence is overrated.
I like feeling confident about an outcome, result or myself more than feeling uncertain and fearful. However, in the long run, confidence has little to do with creating my desired outcome.
The extent to which I feel confident is based on my level of experience in a particular endeavor and on dealing with my results, including the ones I don’t like. The more experience of working through something, the more confidence.
Most people who are stretching in life are exploring some ideas, feelings, skills and abilities with which they have little experience, or at least little experience moving through them to the other side. Anyone in the midst of writing his or her next chapter in life is, ideally, exploring some of the unknown. This is the stuff of which growth, and the richness of life, is made.
If not with confidence, how does someone overcome his or her uncertainty, hesitation, and fear? As I told my friend, the key is to access courage, of which each of us has an abundance. If you are in doubt about this statement as it relates to you, just look at the events in your life, some big and some, in hindsight, not as big as they seemed at the time, in which you screwed up your courage and pressed through to the other side. There are too many to count.
If you are taking on something big by your standards, and I hope you are, forget about confidence. Get really clear about what result you want and the value of it to you and others, commit to the result like you’ve never committed before, get some support and access your unlimited reservoir of courage.
Now, dive in!
Fantastic.
I like your discerning clarifying approach in using words to help make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around you.
Phil,
Well said and exactly what I needed to hear today…
Best,
Randy
Love this one, Phil. Not only have I been attracted to the idea since I heard you mention during my last course, I particularly enjoyed the simple yet elegant way you laid it out here. I will send this link to many of my friends, as most think they lack confidence when, in reality, they are just forgetting to draw on their reserves of courage.
You are totally amazing Phil. I often refer back to SF classroom time with you when you made statements such as this one and I feel like I have found my way back home again and I smile with contentment.
Dear Phil,
I must say after reading your article, I feel hope. The fact that you are reflecting on concepts none of us can manipulate with our physical hands is powerful.
We are speaking today about abstract concepts, that none of us can see directly, but each of us feel deeply. So, first and foremost, thank you. Thank you for your courage to post your thoughts, without knowing the full impact of your words on each of us. That took confidence, courage, and trust.
I agree with you that each of us has an abundance of courage. And right now, I am mustering up some courage to explore “the truth” about courage and to expose a portion of who I am, not fully knowing my audience. An audience who may oppose what I have to say. Yet, an audience who teaches me, gives me confidence, helps me exercise courage, and strengthens my trust, through the nature of their oppositional form of feedback, or being.
When I fully realize I am choosing the path of courage, I have reached what Star Trek describes as, “boldy going where man (being myself) has never gone before.”
To know something is unfamiliar, I have to know and understand what I can and can’t do. And to transform, I have to know what I can and can’t do about what I can and can’t do.
Essentially, transformation is about crossing that “tipping point” or reaching beyond that Zone of Proximal Development.
Interdependence is the paradox underlying courage. I can have courage. I can know what I know and know what I can do. I can know what I don’t know and know what I can’t do.
But most importantly, having courage in an interdependent world means learning to trust. Trusting myself. And most importantly, trusting myself that I have courage to know that I will survive, even when trusting others hasn’t always worked in my favor. Even when I believe I was practicing confidence and courage.
Based on my experiences, (which include heart ache and many tears) I now know, I have confidence in that truth.
My truth.
The truth that we form interdependently.
Our truth.
The truth about confidence and courage.
That is what I trust.