With fewer and fewer traditional hierarchical organizations and more and more cross-functional teams the norm, relationship based leadership is more critical than ever. Even in smaller companies and small businesses that are more vertical in design, employees are quick to become dissatisfied when authoritarian / command and control leadership is the standard.  Even if they don’t leave for other workplaces with more enlightened leadership, they usually dim down and give less than there best – an unconscious reaction to their resistance and resentment.

In 21st Century Leadership one of the common leadership issues raised by participants is the question of how to create cooperation and a collaborative atmosphere with teammates over whom they have no authority.  Conceptually the answer is simple – clarify intention, take more ownership, become even more Emotionally Intelligent, show up more (let people know you) and communicate, communicate, communicate.

These are mindsets and skills in which people in 21st Century Leadership are immersed. Given their level of commitment and their willingness to practice following the course, their results will be similar to the graduate who work for a large multinational company and who came to the course at the suggestion of his supervisor to specifically learn how to create more cooperation from others upon whom he relies but over whom he had no authority. Last week he wrote:

“Over the last few weeks I noticed that everyone around me is helping me. I wondered, ‘What’s going on?’

I spoke with my supervisor about this and he replied, ‘Because you are leading now’ and before you were ‘pushing to get the work done.’

Now, I work less and get more results. This is quite amazing actually!”

Want more help, cooperation and ease from “them” (those guys who don’t listen to you)? Begin by reminding yourself it is not about them. You have the key. Lead rather than push.



Whether you aspire to such a lofty position, or not, when you pay attention to the differentiating factors you will be more effective, feel more fulfilled and produce even more stellar results across the spectrum of your life.

Assuming similar cross-functional experience, e.g., operations, finance, marketing, etc., and demonstrated success with strategic thinking, there are two key factors that make the difference between reaching a plateau beyond which I will not move or rising to the most senior levels. They are ownership and relationship building.

By ownership I mean “the buck stops with me.” I am the source. If there is a dispute among others, a smorgasbord of choices about which direction to go or strategy to employ, a failure or setback, or similar challenges, it is mine. There is no place to escalate, nor would I. My mindset is, “I own it all.”

This first factor goes hand in glove with the second factor, relationship building. Over time have I built and maintained relationships with a wide variety of people who have a wide variety of skill and knowledge in a wide variety of areas? When I am in ownership, the responsibility is always mine. I am aware of, and honest with myself about, what I don’t know. I do know I require expert help. Where do I get the information and help I want to resolve disputes, make choices about direction and strategy, overcome setbacks and similar challenges? I call upon the skill, knowledge and expertise of those with whom I have forged strong relationships over the years – those who I trust and who trust me. These are the people who “sponsor” my success and promote my vision.

Whether in the workplace, with my family, among my friends and acquaintances or in my community, I am always served by stretching my lines of ownership and building stronger relationships. There is endless opportuntiy to grow in these areas.

If you are not familiar with the work of Extraordinary Learning, these differentiating qualities are two of the primary qualities we help our clients develop and strengthen. And, yes, our clients produce stellar results across the board.