The quality of my relationship with someone depends on the quality of my relationship with myself. This mindset embodies the essence of my ownership for my experience in life.
When I experience challenge in a relationship, my experience has everything to do with how well I am doing physically, mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually. When I am “off” in one or more of these aspects of my relationship with myself, I am likely exercising poor self-management and not taking ownership for helping the other person have more of the experience of life he or she wants. When this occurs, I ask,
“What is going on for me such that I am experiencing challenge with this person?”
“What am I resisting that I am making about the other person?” (My resistance is always about me, not the other person. Rather than express my resistance as criticism I explore my negative self-judgments.)
“How might my thinking be distorted in this situation?” (Distorted thinking includes personalizing what the other person is saying and doing as if everything has to do with me and believing I know what the other person is thinking and feeling, among other cognitive missteps.)
“What of my basic needs might I be ignoring such that my acceptance and tolerance for what is going on around me is low?” (Eating, sleeping, exercising and hydrating are some of my basic needs that, when ignored, result in disruption of how well my mind, body and spirit function. I get cranky when I forget to take care of my basic needs.)
“What am I committed to doing to improve my relationship with this other person?”
Over the long run, essential for me experiencing ease in relationship to others, I take care of my basic needs, getting sufficient sleep, physical activity, nutrition and hydration. I also have constructive strategies in place for experiencing a rich full life – one of the many topics covered at 21st Century Leadership. To learn more about 21st Century Leadership: info@extraordinarylearning.com
“There’s only one corner of the universe you may be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” – Aldous Huxley