An Advanced Graduate Membership Program

Phil and I are pleased to offer an additional way to strengthen your Leadership Mindset. As an Advanced Graduate Member connect with other graduates as well as us on a regular basis. This is an easy way to continue experiencing even more growth, fun and fulfillment on a regular basis.

Qualifying Criteria:

- A Graduate of 21st Century Leadership.

- Already included in the larger distribution list for communications from Extraordinary Learning / 21st Century Leadership.

- A nominal annual membership fee is paid in full for scheduled focused attention

Our Purpose:

To increase our engagement and strengthen our commitment assisting  21st Century Leadership Graduates in a bigger fashion to continue living a rich, full life, regardless of circumstances.

Common Benefits Amongst Participants:

- A strengthened sense of ownership

- A clearer, stronger sense of focus

- An even higher EQ

To Join Send A Quick Email To: or phone 415.309.9220 or 1.800.891.2956

Congruent Self-Expression

Many people confuse congruence with authenticity. Phil and I make a point of differentiating “authentic” and “congruent”. My belief is when people hear the word “authentic” they connect this concept with being real or genuine. As human beings how do we deny or mask who we truly are? What some people might judge as false images are, from my point of view, actually real personas and authentic.

The opposite of being “authentic” is being “fake” or, perhaps, superficial. Without someone or something else inhabiting my being how on earth would I do “fake”? Even if I were to put on false lashes and ten-inch heels I think I am not doing fake as much as I am doing over the top, an exaggerated or very real projection of who I am on some level.

While I am authentic, I am not always congruent. To be congruent means that I show up in life consistent with what is truly most important to me.

“Leadership is congruent self-expression that creates value.”

To emphasize my point: Some things that are truly most important to me are that I am known as someone who cares for herself and contributes to others, someone who is respectful and someone who is held in high regard. When I project an image aligned with these desires I think I am being congruent. On days when I judge myself to be dressed shabbily, when I catch myself saying things I judge to be disrespectful, or when I evoke belligerent behavior, I believe I am being authentic and incongruent.

I sometimes walk a fine line. I enjoy play. I sometimes entertain myself yanking another’s chain. When I walk this line I am authentic and sometimes not congruent. Staying highly conscious of my intention I show up in life in ways that correspond with what I value the most.  Modeling behavior I want from others is key, letting myself off the hook when I slip. I am as compassionate with others as I am with myself.

I am “a piece of work” in progress.

I encourage you to join me – making a consciously held effort to model leadership, as congruent self-expression that creates value.

Should and Should Notting

My inspiration for this particular blog is my stating what I thought, and still think, is an unremarkable comment about something I enjoy doing. In response, I was told I should not do it.

There is a saying, “The number of functional families in this country would fit on a football field.”  I think I heard this for the first time taking Psychology 101 in the early 80’s.  Although I think the statement is an exaggeration, I believe there is more than a grain of truth to it. I think one of the biggest culprit of dysfunction family and friends is “shoulding” and “should noting”.

At a young age I often recoiled from family gatherings. Then, and today, I balk at the “shoulding” and “should notting” that goes on in the world, especially among family members and friends. Spending this week with some of my immediate and extended family members, I again identified that this was my biggest issue growing up. I am somewhat disturbed recognizing I still have the same issue – balking at the “shoulding” and “should notting”. However, I am relieved watching myself self-manage much better in these situations. Today, I am less willing to argue, debate, attack or feel attacked in “should” and “should not” situations.

I understand that I have chosen to include people in my life who think it is appropriate and workable to tell me what I should and should not do. I have no regrets for my choices. My most recent experience in the face of “shoulds” and “should nots” is an extraordinary reminder of how much power I have given these words in my lifetime. I think I should retain my power of choice and should not give it away when I hear people “shoulding” and “should noting”.

I consciously chose to engage and create stronger connections with my family and friends. I practice not being in effect of my strong emotions where relationship dynamics are concerned. I intend to not be the cause of the distance between my people and me. This lifelong project, I think, is a character builder. I learn a tremendous amount about my personal level of emotional intelligence and my preferences, including how I prefer to spend myself. Everything I learn about myself while with family and friends is transferable to my profession.

Stated in my vernacular: I retain my power of choice in the face of “shoulding” and “should notting”.  I need not argue or debate with people who tell me what or how I should or should not do or be. As I self-manage, I honor my power and commitment to choose what I do and don’t do – to choose my experience of life.